A loan of $500 helped create books and CD's for already written materials to sell at speaking venues, and to create greeting cards that are ready for immediate sale.
I am a happy 53 year old single woman, with a flair for being grateful.
I have learned that where you begin does not determine your true destiny. Most of all, I have learned that your past disadvantages can become your greatest advantage in life.
I had the disadvantage of being born to very poor, uneducated parents. They married young, too young to realize there was no true love between them. For this reason they fought all of the time, which would not be so bad, except for the fact that WE (their seventeen children) were caught in the middle.
Yes, I am the twelfth of seventeen children. My mother conceived, carried, and birthed us, but past our birth, she hardly saw us or knew us. She barely remembered names, much less faces, and she never took pictures. She wanted no memories that her life had been stolen from her. We were just ten-fingered, ten toed replicas of the man who never bought her a wedding ring, never hugged her except to make one of us, and never fed or provided shelter for her or his offspring with her. She would sell wood door to door while pregnant, just to eat. The church told her she could not prevent pregnancy.
Our father was a PREACHER who did not even live with us, and my mother didn't want to punish us, but she had no one else close enough to give her retribution for stealing her life. We had to bear his cross and take his punishment.
To make a long story short, although I was the only of the twelve to be born on her birthday, I was not given any preferential treatment. At the age of 13, she told me, "I am no longer your mother. I am moving away and you cannot go." She let me know that I was no longer welcome in her life. I was well-behaved, shy, and sensitive. It wasn't personal. She was just tired. She took my little sister, my four little brothers with her. The older children had already drifted away into their own wilderness.
The "State" was about to place me in foster care, but my father, who I barely knew, wanted custody. It should have hurt me. I should have been devastated, but I was not.
I was just numb. It was like a blurr. I didn't miss the hugs, because there weren't any.
My mom didn't cook, ever. She didn't know how to bake cakes or pies, or meat loafs. She married at fifteen and just never learned how to do any household tasks.
I didn't miss the talks or the kisses goodnight, good morning, or any other time at all. I was a teen, with a changing body and I didn't understand why.
There were no table dinners, because there was no food.
There were no food stamps. I often went two, or three days without having anything to eat.
It was indeed my reality. I struggled with low self-esteem for many years. I was very introverted at school, and bullied, as quiet kids usually are.
As much as school hurt, going home hurt worse. My father filled her space, but never saw me. They only saw each other.
After all, he wanted to punish her, not me. After my little sister had run away, my mother sent all of my younger siblings back to my dad. She decided that the only way not to be hurt by him was to not feel anything at all. At that point, I knew it wasn't personal.
To make a long story short, seventeen has now become eleven. Because of neglect, my little sister died years later. While almost homeless, my little brother died of AIDS at 28 years old. My older brother was murdered in prison. Another older brother drank himself to death at a young age. Another brother died of cancer, induced by a poor diet, which was a symptom of hopelessness. Three months after my little sister died, my father died a very greivious death. Yes, this is about me... My pain started before I started, and all I knew was pain.
I did not attend college until 30 years old. I did not think that I was good enough for college, but I made good grades (A's and B's). It took me 16 years to obtain an Associates degree. It was that Spring that we had buried my sister, then my dad. That Spring, I should have celebrated. I graduated with double honors, made the Dean's list, while I was fighting my way out of sorrow-induced depression.
My journey has been a difficult one, but (as I stated in the opening) I AM A HAPPY, SINGLE WOMAN. I feel that I have been given a gift that could not have been entrusted to someone born of privilege. I love people so much -- Black (as I am) people, and every other beautiful race under the sun.
I cannot stand to see another person suffer. I am sensitive to lonely people, and I have been given a message of hope.
At 54, I appreciate the freedom from the pain of the past, but am thankful for the experiences. The HARDNESS has chiseled a compassion for humanity into me, and I am only fulfilled by serving humanity. Although I have no wish to re-live the trauma, I am so thankful for what it has made me. A Silver Spoon would not have afforded me the concern I have for the down-trodden. I graduated with a bachelors of Arts degree in psychology in 2011. I have credentials to aid in emotional healing. But the greatest creds that I have is my past. The scars can indeed heal, as long as the pain is gone. I have faced the music of my past and have learned to DANCE TO THE MUSIC....
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About Word Well Spoken LL.C
Years in operation: 6 months - 1 year